How I survived years of coercive control and how I found the strength to leave

 I decided to tell my story now I’ve hit the age my ex was when I met him. The grand age of 42 and I was 16…..

I want to give hope to women that might be in dark places and show them  there is light at the end of the tunnel. Despite everything how I managed to keep my head aware, my mind clear and strong which gave me a sense of my own control. 

The beginning 

How does someone who’s 16 connect to a 42 year old? This is the question that I asked myself but as I’ve got older I realised why I got so attracted and attached. Also what does a 42 year old see in a 16 year old? Especially now I have hit that age and see a 16 year old as a child. 

Anyway, I joined a karate class and he had a daughter there. I’ll go into more detail later but it was my 16th birthday and I got a new mobile phone ( my first one) he showed me how to set it up and put his number in and said “call me now see if it works” and that’s how it began.

The dream and the fall

We bought a house a big ish house. But it was a lie there was no money and the bills didn’t get paid. I’m still paying for some as he put them in my name. Bear in mind I knew nothing about bills and what I was signing. I had a baby at 17, one at 18 and one at 22. 

I was lonely (couldn’t see any family without him). All my friends got pushed away. I pushed them away as it was too awkward. I was safer and life was easier if it was just us. I’d be able to keep him happy if I just go along with everything that’s what I thought in them early years. I accepted my life in isolation. We moved to Spain, I begged for months that we  get a phone. He had a mobile but I didn’t, and no house phone. I couldn’t even call my mum. 

There were many incidents along the way that I’m going to try blog as per incident. 

I had my first realisation when my friend from school got married and I wasn’t invited to the hen or wedding because she knew I wouldn’t be allowed to come. All the things that happened and this was the day I woke up! I don’t know still to this day why it was that. 

I suffered being strangled, bottled and knives held up to my throat. 

My treasures 

My sons were my reason to breathe 

My reason to eat 

My reason to speak

My reason to shower

My reason to survive for OUR future. It was US against him we had tactics. We worked out how to keep him calm. It was like keeping a lid on a boiling pot.

Where am I now at 42

Free to live a life without fear. I’m about to qualify as a Nurse which I have to pinch myself as there was once a time that I was not allowed to leave the house unattended let alone work.

I hope you stay and read my full story and gain some courage and hope for your own futures and your loved ones who you know are in that dark place. 

Speak soon, stay strong, stay focused.

Sarah Xx